So another day at the beach house. Oh if you didnt know, i came down the shore with the family that i babysit for on saturday. Im here until next saturday. This really is the break i need. I took LD, she's two years old, in the pool with her life jacket on and i enjoyed myself. Its funny because all i wanted to do was watch the kids and tan until she came in. But i did go in the freezing pool with her because i know it would make her happy. Well and because its my job too. She was so happy, it made me happy. Also earlier this morning i was watching JD playing video games and the younger brother JD, whos four, woke up, came to me on the couch, and laid next to me. Hes so cute, i love him and i know he loves me too. I wish the boys never had to grow up and i could babysit them forever.
This makes me want to question what i want to do with my life. I think between teaching, daycare, restaurant management, or help animals in someway. But im also good at biology and technology and would love to get into a computer programming field. I dont know. I just feel so much clear headed being here. I know what i want today and im ready to reach for it. I want to focus on myself, i need to, otherwise i will be going in and out of rehabs bullshitting around for the rest of my life. Im just sick of the games that my addiction plays on me and im over it, im not listening to my fucked up thinking anymore.
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