He's the wanderer looking for his long lost home, he's only got one place to go...

So i know i havent written in a while and alot has happened but i cannot dwell on the past so its whatever. To sum everything up KM dicked me over and started dating RK. TW said he hates me and i havent seen him in weeks. In all honesty im flad cuz it has helped me to get over him, not that im honestly there yet. I still think i have resentments for being dicked over. My sister went to Italy and back and just left yesterday to DR and will be back Saturday. I finished summer classes and got an A in Religions and a B in English, which im so proud of. Ooooo also, im getting a car before daddy goes away on August 11th !!!
I am at a place in my life where no one can bring me down but myself. Its my own actions that affect my feelings and not what others due to me. I havent felt the need since thursday (lol i would remember the day) to surround myself with drama and all the petty bullshit. My head and fucked up thinking gives me enough drama, nevermind others. Today i am really grateful to be clean. i need to call my freaking sponsor before going to bed thank god i just remembered.
Okay so i havent had a cigarette since friday but i still cant quit. Ill prob have to sneak out on my roof and have one before bed tonight. I cant believe i have to still sneak it from my family. Im twenty years old !!! Believe it or nottt. I know im still kid hearted but i like it that im 20 and can still enjoy life like im 14 again. More and more each day im becoming more outgoing and more able to put myself out there and its awesome. Im blossoming awwwwww jk.
The thing is my mind always tries to fill me with doubt and have expectations with others and it only leads to disappoint. Thats why i dont expect anything from anyone anymore, i expect whatever happens to be whatever i dont let it even phase me. So i also am learning my lessons from self sabatoging myself. Like i have been talking to Someone going through a rough time themselves but like i told him i couldnt anymore cuz honestly i would only be hurting him and myself! Why would we want to do that to ourselves?! i know there are feelings involved and sexual frustration but this is all teaching me self control and self discipline and im loving myself for it.
okay so my laptop battery is about to die so i will either write tomorrow or after i smoke a cigarette. Paaaace.