So today is a new day. I still feel really depressed but I'll be home tomorrow and I'm excited.I'm getting a new phone because they don't have anymore curves. I'm upgrading to the blackberry tour which I don't know how I feel about that.
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So I'm really enjoying myself at the beach right now. I was playing soccer with jack Jared and Andy and it really helped. I'm just a little sad cuz of my phone breaking, of mom always being mad at me, at the fact my financial aid still hasn't been processed, the fact Im not getting a car, the fact that I'm once again committed and it's going to hold me back. I'm also really upset because I just feel that the kids I babysit for are growing up so fast and I'm on this vacation and the parents don't really need me anymore. I think the parents are realizing it too. Like Lou doesn't even let me be alone in the water w Josh. What good am I here? I think I just want to be needed by someone, to be wanted.
I want to be good and be doing good and have my life together so I can help someone else. I was so upset last night I was going to use my concerts but I didn't. I have completely taken my medicine proper except I missed taking my sleeping mess last night. I think I'm doing much better. I'm celebrating when I get back and I'm excited for it.
I wanna see NM CL and MA but I don't want to see anyone else. I think I just don't want to face reality kinda. I don't know. I wish I had mt phone I'm not getting til freaking Wednesday.
I just have alot on my mind and alot of responsibility I need dad and mom right now. I know i can't do everything alone.
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