Trouble with you is the trouble with me, got two good eyes but we still dont see.

Yo i am in such a wierd place right now. I feel good, I feel relieved but its for the worst reason. Ive been binging, and its in full effect again. I dont know why i go from one addiction to the other, why must i do this to myself. I am bulimic. I havent done it in a while, since rehab in florida, and now its back. I dont remember if its one of my signs of relapse or not, god i should of written my relapse signs down. Anyways, i feel my teeth and gums getting that old rubbery smooth feeling again and my nose is all runny and my throat hurts. It fucking sucks. Last time i ended up with really bad stomach ulcers and i dont want to go through that shit again. Am i using this to substitute my drug addiction? who knows. i feel like my mind and thoughts are disconnected from me because i cant seem to understand them.
I was reading this book called the power of now as i mentioned i believe in a previous blog and it teaches you to read your thoughts. Yet i dont freaking hear anything when i try and listen. I have no clue where my head is at, and im scared a little. My addiction comes from my fucked up thinking and now i cant hear what im thinking at all. Its like in hiding and when it comes out i think i might go crazy. Lets hope not.
I think the only thing i can do is express my worries and guilt right now, you know get things off my chest. My sister is leaving to Italy on friday and im going to miss her so much. Im also concerned on my behaviors with lying, cheating, and stealing. My behaviors also include my lack of self respect and morals. And finally i am concerned about my mom.
I am learning each and every day to be humble and honest. I am learning to appreciate the things i have and not look to the things i dont have. Ive gotten pretty good at doing that and keeping things into perspective. Oh by the way i am the worst sponsee ever being all complacent and shit. I also havent been taking my ADHD medicine so im all over the place, like what the fuck is going on with me.
Anyway